


Put your head on my shoulder

by smile_it_will_get_better



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Hurt Matt Murdock, I'm Sorry, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-25 22:31:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16206992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smile_it_will_get_better/pseuds/smile_it_will_get_better
Summary: Matt was not afraid to die.He was no stranger to death, he witnessed it often in fact. With the people he found seconds too late, with the criminals that thought death was a better option than the police, with his father. He and death were pretty much on first name basis at this point.So Matt was no afraid to die, but he was afraid of what dying meant.





	Put your head on my shoulder

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is depressing AF. I just wanted a nice angsty one shot to end the night and this is what I came up with. Based off of something I saw on tumblr I think. Either way I hope you enjoy this:)

Matt was not afraid to die. 

He was no stranger to death, he witnessed it often in fact. With the people he found seconds too late, with the criminals that thought death was a better option than the police, with his father. He and death were pretty much on first name basis at this point. 

So Matt was no afraid to die, but he was afraid of what dying meant. 

Dying meant never waking up for work tomorrow, it meant never being able to hear Foggy’s voice again, hear Foggy’s heart beat. It meant never getting to find out what was making Karen so off recently, never sharing another drink with her. It meant never hearing Claire complain to him again, to never feel her soft hands ghost over his skin when wrapping an injury. It meant that innocent people would be harmed in his absence, criminals would get to roam free. Dying meant leaving all of them behind, leaving them to grieve for him, leave them to hurt. 

Matt might not be afraid of dying but he sure as hell was afraid of what him dying might mean to others. 

But as much as he tried to deny it, Matt knew he was dying. He could survive getting stabbed, beat up, pushes around, but two gunshot wounds to the side and leg was not something he would be able to live through. 

He was half aware as he stumbled into the nearest alleyway, tearing off his black mask and chucking it to the side and out of sight. He cursed himself for choosing to go out in his old black outfit today, his more protective one was still at Foggy’s where he forgot the last time he stayed over. But even so, he wasn’t sure his other suit would have been able to protect him this time. 

Matt fell to the ground, the sting in his knees nothing compared to the out roar that came from the wound in his leg and side. He was sure he let out a cry, but his senses were going wild, making it hard to hear, to think. His world of fire was rapidly dimming, like someone had thrown water across it. This was all his fault. He choose this life didn’t he? He choose the protection of his city over the protection of himself and for the first time he started to regret it. Even if he didn’t regret Daredevil, he regretted leaving too soon. Leaving Foggy too soon. 

He fumbled around for a moment before pulling out his burner phone, his finger hovering over Claire’s nae for a moment. There was nothing she could do for him. Matt guessed he only had minutes of semi-coherent thought left, and after that not long before the blood lost became too great and his heart failed. He would be dead before any helped arrived. 

So instead he decided to be selfish, because god damn it he was dying and if he wanted one last thing to help calm his jumbled mind then he was going to take it. He dialed Foggy’s number. 

He wanted to hear Foggy’s voice one last time, to hear Foggy laugh one more time, to apologize one last time. Matt knew he messed up, that the two of them would never be what they were, and defiantly never what Matt wanted them to be. He didn’t deserve Foggy, didn’t deserve the happiness that the man gave him. But he was selfish, so he took it anyways. 

“Matt?” Foggy said through the phone, his voice tired and sleep worn. Matt wasn’t sure what time it was. “What’s wrong? Why are you calling so late? Normal people like to sleep at this hour, not that you’d know that you freaking vampire.”

“Sorry, wasn’t aware of how late it was.” Forming the words were hard, but his mouth managed to do it anyways, which was good because his brain wasn’t really working as well as it normally would at the moment. 

“Bullshit, your never sorry. What’s up?” Foggy said, and Matt heard some shuffling through the line. “Wait, are you okay?” Foggy suddenly said, his voice suddenly a lot louder and panicked. Matt wanted to tell him, to tell him that he was most defiantly not okay but as long as he kept hearing Foggy’s voice maybe the world could be right again. 

“Yeah I’m fine.” He said instead, forcing himself to sound normal even if he wanted to scream from the pain overtaking all senses and the feeling of blood dripping down his skin.

“Okay? So what is it then? Shouldn’t you be out on a rooftop doing parkour? Or beating someone up or whatever it is you do?” Foggy said, his voice once again softened with sleep. 

“Quiet night. Wanted to hear your voice.” Shit, that was too close to the truth. The night was silent, but only because he couldn’t focus on anything other than the soft lull of Foggy’s voice. The one that made him feel sleepy, like a lullaby. All he could smell was the iron and blood in the air that sliced through his nose as a constant reminder that he was currently dying. 

“Look, Foggy I just wanted to apologize. For everything. For lying, for being who I am, for choosing to be Daredevil even though you don’t like it. I messed up, and I don’t have many regrets but that is one. I regret everything that happened between us and I wish more than anything to correct it but I can’t and I’m sorry.” He was rambling, all the things he had wanted to say for ages bubbling up inside his chest and rushing out of his mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” He was starting to slur his words, the blood loss pulling at his mind but he forced himself to hold on because he couldn’t die with Foggy on the phone. Foggy didn’t deserve that. 

 

Foggy didn’t deserve a lot of things. One of which was what Matt put him through. Foggy deserved a friend that would stand by him, that would never lie, that would never keep secrets. He didn’t deserve the human disaster that was Matt, the asshole who lied for so long and who was pinning after him like some 13-year-old schoolboy. He deserve a friend; not whatever Matt was or wanted to be. 

“Um, okay Buddy. Maybe we should talk about this another time? Maybe over a dinner or coffee or something?” Foggy said, confusion coloring his voice and it almost made Matt laugh because it sounded like Foggy was asking him on a date. If only. But Foggy didn’t like him that way, it was only Matt who was the creep, the one who fell in love with his best friend which is perhaps the biggest no-no in the world. 

“Maybe tomorrow we can talk about it more?” Foggy was saying again. And Matt nodded before realizing that Foggy couldn’t hear him. 

“I just needed to let you know.” Matt almost whispered, because he couldn’t promise that. Couldn’t have Foggy hoping to see him tomorrow because he wouldn’t. Because Matt was going to die in this stupid alleyway from the stupid bullets because life was just stupid. 

It was probably a bad sign that the only insult he could think of was “Stupid”.

“I understand.” Foggy said, and Matt could hear him crawling back under the covers, the rustle of the fabric only just coming through the phone. It made Matt remember college, when they would spend hours talking to each other under the cover of the darkness. Whispering about their classes and people they found cute and everything in between. It reminded him of the times he couldn’t sleep and he would listen to Foggy’s even heartbeat to put him to bed. 

If he focused hard enough he could hear Foggy’s heart through the phone. A steady, calm, sleepy beat that made Matt smile. It was familiar, welcoming. He wanted to listen to it all night, to wrap himself around it and hear nothing else but it. 

“Matt?” Foggy’s voice cut through, and Matt realized that his friend had probably said it multiple times without a reply. 

“Sorry, lost focus for a moment. What did you say?” Matt was so glad his mouth was working because sentences like that were getting harder to think of, harder to say. 

“Are you okay? You scared me for a moment.” And no, that wasn’t what Matt was trying to do. He was trying to reassure Foggy, to let Foggy sleep through the night and not worry, to make sure Foggy wasn’t the one that found his body. To make sure that Foggy knew how much Matt loved him. Because god fucking damn it he did. Matt loved Foggy with every inch of his heart and it made his chest ache to think that Foggy didn’t know that. Would never know that, because Matt wouldn’t tell him. Wouldn’t force that confession onto Foggy as the last thing he did. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just, heard something.” Matt said, and he heard Foggy huff out a small laugh. It made Matt think that maybe he would be okay because that laugh made his heart feel complete and like nothing bad would ever enter the world again.

“Go off then! Be a hero! Just promise me you won’t get yourself hurt.” Foggy said, his voice a mixture of humor and seriousness. 

“I won’t.” Matt lied because technically he wasn’t going to get any more hurt than he already was. He couldn’t die twice right? “Goodnight Foggy, I-I miss you.” Matt whispered. Because if he couldn’t tell Foggy that he loved him, that some days the thought of seeing Foggy was all that made him get out of bed, a simple I “I miss you” would do. Even if it did secretly mean “I love you”. 

“Don’t be a sap Murdock. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Foggy said before pausing the silence stretching on. “I miss you too man.” 

Then the voice was gone. 

And Matt was all alone. 

Matt dropped his phone beside him and looked up at the sky, or what he thought was the sky. His world on fire was only a dull yellows now, the sounds muffled to his ears. He felt the tears running down his eyes as a sob got lodged in his throat. 

He started praying to god. Prays that nothing will happen to hi friends. That nothing will happen to Karen or Claire or Foggy. He prays that they will remember him for the smiles he gave, the jokes he cracked and the kindness he tried to spread. Not for the lies he told them, the mistakes he made or the problems he caused. He whispered his last rites because there wasn’t a priest to do it for him. He hoped God wouldn’t mind. He also prayed that Foggy won’t be mad at him, because Foggy will know that the call was a goodbye. That Foggy was the last person that Matt ever wanted to hear or talk to, he hoped that Foggy would be alright.

Matt whispered into the darkness, words tumbling out of his mouth rapidly as he tried to hang on, of what he wasn’t sure but it felt right to. To try and hold onto life for as long as he could. But he could feel the darkness overtaking him, the words slipping out of his mind as he stumbled on the slipperiness that was his consciousness. The blood was warm on his side and it coated him like a second skin. Then all of his feelings and thoughts slip away until its only him and his prayers.

Until they too slip away and he’s left with nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Sigh, I'm sorry? 
> 
> Please comment down below what you thought because I wrote this at 12 am without editing it lol.


End file.
